I wish you would not be afraid to speak my loved one’s name. They lived and were important and I need to hear their name.
If I cry or get emotional if we talk about my loved one, I wish you knew that it isn’t because you have hurt me: the fact they have died has caused my tears. You have allowed me to cry and I thank you. Crying and emotional outbursts are healing.
I wish you wouldn’t let my loved one die again by removing from your home his pictures, artwork or other remembrances.
I will have emotional highs and lows, up and down. I wish you wouldn’t think that if I have a good day my grief is all over, or that if I have a bad day, I need psychiatric counseling.
I wish you knew that the death of a child is different from other losses and must be viewed separately. It is the ultimate tragedy and I wish you wouldn’t compare it to your loss of a parent, a spouse or a pet.
Being a bereaved person is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn’t stay away from me.
I wish you knew all the crazy grief reactions that I am having are in fact very normal. Depression, anger, frustration and hopelessness and the questioning of values and beliefs are to be expected following a death.
I wish you wouldn’t expect my grief to be over in six months. The first few years are going to be exceedingly traumatic for us. As with alcoholics I will never be ‘cured’ or a ‘formerly bereaved’, but forever a ‘recovering’ from my bereavement.
I wish you understood the physical reaction to grief. I may gain weight or lose weight, sleep all the time or not at all, develop a lot of illness and be accident prone, all of which are related to my grief.
Our loved one’s birthday, the anniversary of his death and the holidays are terrible times for us. I wish you could tell me that you are thinking about them on these days and if we get quiet and withdrawn, just know that we are thinking about them and don’t try to coerce us into being cheerful.
I wish you wouldn’t offer to take me out for a drink, or to a party. This is just a temporary crutch and the only way I can get through this grief is to experience it. I have to hurt before I can heal.
I wish you understood that grief changes people. I am not the same person I was before my loved one died and I never will be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to get back to ‘my old self’, you will stay frustrated. I am a new creature with new thoughts, dreams, aspirations, values and beliefs.
Please try to get to know the new me: maybe you will still like me.
I am now at home in heaven;
All's so happy, all so bright!
There is perfect joy and beauty
In this everlasting light.
All the pain and grief are over,
Every restless tossing past;
I am now at peace forever,
Safely home in heaven at last.
Did you wonder I so calmly
Trod the Valley of Shade?
Oh! but Jesus' love illumined
Every dark and fearful glade.
And He came Himself to meet me
In that way so hard to tread;
And with Jesus' arm to lean on,
Could I have on doubt or dread?
Then you must not grieve so sorely,
For I love you dearly still;
Try to look beyond earth's shadows,
Pray to trust our Father's will.
There is work still waiting for you,
So you must not idle stand;
Do your work while life remaineth
You shall rest in Jesus' land.
When that work is all completed
He will gently call you home;
Oh, the rapture of the meeting!
Oh, the joy to see you come!
Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His Saints. Psalm 116:15
And so shall we ever be with the Lord. 1 Thessalonians 4:17
A LETTER FROM HEAVEN
by Patricia A. Gertz
Dear Mom, I just want to say I'm okay
I know you are sad because I went away.
One day we will be together again,
Then you and I will have our "best friend."
For yesterdays are forever gone,
And each momeny you must carry on.
Look to today with a peaceful heart,
Then someday soon we will never part.
In every life there is to be
A time of heartache, grief and glee.
Days of laughter, days of tears,
Days and nights of joy and fears.
I woke up to hearing an angel sing
And I knew in my heart that a bell would ring.
That voice I've heard so many times before,
Now, I will hear it more and more.
Then Mom - Mom said, "Michael, I am here!"
Now we are together in God's care.
You'll always be in my heart to stay
So, "Mom," don't look back to yesterday.
A LITTLE PIECE OF US IN HEAVEN
By Pam Bortner
There is a little piece of us in Heaven,
Part of us has already made it there.
Daddy's nose, Daddy's cheeks, Daddy's feet,
My hands. Does he have curly hair?
Our best parts are already in Heaven,
For he was beautiful.
You see, it is our son who is in Heaven.
He had a short, but special, life here on earth,
But God chose to have a little piece of us
Up in Heaven with Him.
"Please take care of him, God."
We know you will do all the things that his parents cannot do.
We know you are holding him.
"God, please hold us, too!"
When Tomorrow Starts Without Me
When tomorrow starts without me and I'm not there to see
If the sun should rise and find your eyes all filled with tears for me.
I wish so much you wouldn't cry the way you did today.
While thinking of the many things we didn't get to say.
I know how much you love me, as much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me, I know you'll miss me too.
But when tomorrow starts without me, please try to understand
That an angel came and called my name and took me by the hand.
And said my place was ready in Heaven far above.
And that I'd have to leave behind all those I dearly love.
But when I waked through Heaven's gates I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me from His great golden throne.
He said, "This is eternity and all I've promised you today for life on earth is past but here it starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow for today will always last,
And since each day's the same way, there's no longing for the past."
So when tomorrow starts without me, don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me, I'm right here in your heart.
I DON'T KNOW WHY...
I'LL NEVER KNOW WHY...
I DON'T HAVE TO KNOW WHY..
I DON'T LIKE IT..
I DON'T HAVE TO L IKE IT..
WHAT I DO HAVE TO DO IS MAKE A CHOICE ABOUT MY LIVING.
WHAT I DO HAVE TO DO IS ACCEPT IT AND GO ON LIVING.
THE CHOICE IS MINE.
I CAN GO ON LIVING, VALUING EVERY MOMENT IN A WAY I NEVER DID BEFORE.
OR I CAN BE DESTROYED BY IT AND, IN TURN, DESTROY OTHERS.
I THOUGHT I WAS IMMORTAL, THAT MY CHILDREN AND FAMILY WERE ALSO.
THAT TRAGEDY HAPPENED ONLY TO OTHERS....
BUT I KNOW NOW THAT LIFE IS TENUOUS AND VALUABLE.
AND I CHOOSE TO GO ON LIVING, MAKING THE MOST OF THE TIME I HAVE.
AND VALUING MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS IN A WAY I NEVER EXPERIENCED BEFORE.
I called tonight
To talk a little while
I need a friend who'll listen
To my anxiety and trial.
You see, I can't quite make it
Through a day just on my own...
I need your love to guide me,
So I'll never feel alone.
I want to ask you please to keep
My family safe and sound.
Come and fill our lives with confidence
For whatever fate they're bound.
Give me faith, Dear God, to face
Each hour throughout the day,
And not to worry over things
I can't change in any way.
I thank you God for being home
And listening to my call,
For giving me such good advice
When I stumble and fall.
Your number, God, is the only one
That answers every time.
I never get a busy signal,
Never had to pay a dime.
So thank you, God, for listening
To my troubles and my sorrow.
Good night, God, I love you too,
And I'll call again tomorrow!
- Author Unknown -